I'm ecstatic to be contributing over at the Glorious Table today.
My heart races quickly, and I feel the pit form in my stomach as my senses are bombarded with color and sparkle. The pressure to have a “Pinterest Perfect” holiday season is strong, and every store reminds me I need to do more, be more, and try more to have even the smallest chance of success.
Holiday music blares in my ears, and I realize afresh how overwhelmed I am. I still have to plan meals, finish grocery shopping, get to bunches of holiday commitments, wrap presents, decorate, and not freak out in the process.
That last item on my list will be the toughest.
When I became a wife and a mom, it hit me. It’s my responsibility to create perfection during the holidays. I heard the familiar, hissing voice in my head tell me that if I don’t make my family’s holiday memories look exactly like they do on Pinterest or decorating blogs–or in my own imagination, for that matter–then my efforts are for nothing.
This critic in me is never satisfied.
One November, as I sat with my young daughter and thought about the holidays, I realized it was not her lengthy lashes that held my attention, but my wish for cuter décor. I found that instead of focusing on my loved ones at the holidays, I connected with scarcity, a constant feeling that caused me to believe I didn’t have enough. That I wasn’t enough.
I finally realized how much I'd let the Enemy steal from my holidays. I'd let myself be cheated. I'd listened to the lies.